Calling Ourselves Home. Inner Child Work.
I have often spoken about inner child work, and I thought I might go deeper into what that really means. Many of us have heard the phrase but are unsure how to approach it, or we imagine it must be complicated and reserved for specialists. In truth, it is one of the most natural and empowering gifts we can give ourselves.
Often, we first notice the need for this work not in meditation or ceremony but in the everyday circumstances of our lives. For some of us it shows up as having emotional reactions to certain situations, that seem out of context to what actually happened, we may be told that we are too sensitive, too much, or too emotional. Beneath those moments lies something deeper. They are not flaws in our character, they are signs of wounds that have not yet been tended to. Signs that our past is driving us, from deep within our subconscious. Because often, most of us put our trauma from the past behind us, and we try to move on with life.
It is easy to try to bury the past, to tell ourselves we are fine, to keep moving forward without looking back. I know, because I did that for most of my life. But the truth is, the past does not stay buried. It rises again and again because it is not only a memory, it is soul. And these memories are stored in the very fabric of our bodies. The soul will always call us back to what needs healing. The whispers come in many forms: these whispers are invitations. The souls way of saying, this moment is still shaping us, it is time for us to move toward unification, to call every fragment of ourselves home from all the places it had been scattered.
From a shamanic perspective, this makes deep sense. In Native American tradition, it is said that when we experience trauma, part of our soul can split away. This is called soul loss. And people know this happens instinctively, even without being taught. It’s why we hear phrases like, “I was never the same after that day,” or, “A piece of me died when that happened.” all the time. At that time, the soul piece separation serves a purpose. It protects us so we can survive what feels unbearable. But later in life, we often realize that the part that left (or maybe more accurately, remained in the past) carried qualities we now desperately need: like trust, innocence and joy.
For a long time, I helped people with this work. I was very blessed to train many decades ago, under a lady from a very powerful shamanic lineage. I would journey back for them, bringing back those lost pieces. But there came a day when I started to see my work differently. One day while working with someone, it struck me that this way, though beautiful in its own right, could also be disempowering. I saw clearly that I was in the position of the expert, the healer, doing the work for them, to them. If they wanted more healing, they returned again and again. They didn't feel empowered enough to do the work themselves. And something in me knew, that this was no longer my truth. And I stopped doing that work. I am not saying healers aren't needed. They absolutely are. We are all here to play the role we have been assigned, and all are needed. All are needed. There is another saying "Every truth in this reality is but a half-truth" As human beings we have difficulty in seeing the bigger picture. So this is the 'half-truth' I have been led too. This is my half truth.
The truth I found is that each of us carries the capacity to heal ourselves, to retrieve our own soul pieces, to walk back into the past and meet those younger aspects (child, teenager whatever shows up) with love, compassion, and presence. No one else can do this more powerfully than you. Healing belongs to you. And when we begin to believe that, when we recognize that what has been scattered can be called back by our own hands, we begin to live whole again. Inner child work is the modern equivalent of ancient soul retrieval healing practices. Once reserved for the few, I deeply believe that in these times we are called to be our own healers. No one is (or should ) coming to save us. We actually don't need saving. Every bad or good thing that manifests in the outside world is a reflection of our inner landscape. To realise we are not victims is so empowering. When it is all the fault of others, or the fault of something going on in the world, then I am completely powerless. But when I realise that it’s all coming from me. That it is all an invitation, a beckoning to look deep inside. Then I become the answer. And this is incredibly empowering. John Taylor Gato once said that "The only answer worth having is the one you find deep within yourself". This is a philosophy I have come to live by. To live like this, gives every moment power and more importantly, meaning. It does not mean that experiencing trauma did not suck or hurt. It does. Sometimes deeply. But, if we are willing to keep an open mind, and seek answers within ourselves we can grasp an opportunity to free ourselves from our past. A moment will come, as it did for me, when we would not wish for the past to be any different. When we realise that everything we experienced bought us to this moment. And it was all absolutely needed. Every traumatic event I experienced was required to craft me into the person that I am today, in this moment. The whole process, when seen in its entirety, is incredibly beautiful.
When we begin this work, it helps to keep it simple. A quiet moment. A candle lit with intention. A few slow breaths to centre. The point is not perfection but willingness. From there, we can ask the questions that open the door: I start with something that happened in my daily life that really disturbed me emotionally the day before. I do all my meditation (contemplative. ( maybe I will write more about that form of meditation next.) in the morning and I go over everything that happened the day before, especially paying attention to events that disturbed me. These events are the signposts that point me in the right direction. I start to ask myself questions about these events . My favorite being "Please, show me the truth about myself. What lies beneath these feelings?" And often, when I sit with the emotions, in a meditative state, I am led directly to my younger self. In this way I, as an adult, can give her the love and affection, support, understanding, validation, what ever she needs, now. And because time is not linear, as we believe, these actions have the power to actually affect the past. By doing this work, I can slowly heal my past, gain freedom from the past, and actually re-write the past. I will not only give myself a new future, but a new past as well. Because now me, the adult, is a presence in that child's life, supporting her through the whole experience. I always felt a presecence with me when I was a child, a very loving presence, now I know that this was me, as an adult, doing this work.
I just want to add that there is a huge difference between thinking about our lives and asking ourselves questions about our lives. When I think about my life, I am bringing to the table everything I think I know. When I ask myself questions, I am looking for what I don't know. Where I may be wrong about you, about myself and Creation. Often when I ask myself questions, the answer bubbles up from inside me, and it is usually a complete surprise.
For many of us, our inner child does not trust us immediately. As children we may have known abandonment, and as adults we sometimes repeat the pattern by abandoning ourselves. We say yes when we mean no. We silence our needs to keep the peace. We pour all our energy into keeping others happy, believing it will keep us safe, while leaving ourselves behind. The healing begins when we stop repeating that cycle. When we prove to the child, the teenager, or the younger adult within that we will no longer turn away. That she or her can rely on us. No more cycles of self abandonment.
Rebuilding trust takes time. It is woven through small, consistent acts: speaking our truth even when our voice shakes, choosing rest when our body is tired, showing up again and again for the self we once ignored. Slowly, these inner parts begin to believe us. Slowly, they soften. They begin to smile again. They begin to play again.
When your inner child appears, she may be angry, hurt, frightened, or deeply sad. I once saw myself curled up in a fetal position under a staircase. Allow whatever comes. This is not a time to judge or explain away. This is a time to sit beside her, to hold her or his hand, to say, I see you. I love you. Look what we have become! We are amazing! You matter to me, hear her story, and tell her you need her.
The work does not end when you first meet that wounded part of yourself. Integration is vital. I return to her often. I check in. I ask, Are you okay? What do you need from me today? In this way, the bond deepens and the healing becomes part of daily life.
This work is not about fixing what is broken. It is about remembering what has always been whole. It is about gathering the pieces of ourselves that were left behind and bringing them into belonging. Inner child work is our own form of soul retrieval. It is a homecoming.
If you feel called to begin, once again, start gently. Find a quiet place, light a candle, place your hand over your heart, and whisper inwardly, I am here for you. I will not leave you. Then pause and listen. However your inner self responds — with words, with silence, with feelings you cannot name — let it be enough. This simple act of presence is where the healing begins.